Mr. Lefty & Mr. Righty

By Chris Rossini

Mr. Lefty is out taking a walk after a hard day at work. All of a sudden he finds himself pinned up against a wall, and hears "Give me your money!"

"No way! Leave me alone!," Mr. Lefty replies in a shaken voice.

"Give it to me or I'll break your arms," the thug responds.

Mr. Lefty gives the thug his cash. He doesn't want to, but he can tell that the threat of violence is real. The cost of giving the thug the money is less than a serious fight.

So the thug gets Mr. Lefty's money and starts to walk away into the night.

But then something unusual happens.

As the thug walks away with the money, Mr. Lefty says: "Excuse me sir? Now that you have my money, I was wondering if you could use some of it to buy me some things."

The thug responds: "Are you out of you mind? I just forcefully took your money, and you want me to buy you something?"

"Sure," responds Mr. Lefty. "I need to make a doctor's appointment. Also my kid wants to go to college. Can you use some of the money that you took from me and help pay for these things?"

The thug walks away with the money.

He thinks to himself: "Now, I've heard it all."

But the thug didn't hear it all.

Little did he know that his next victim would be Mr. Righty.

Mr. Righty was also out on his walk that night. The thug put him up against the wall, threatened to break his arms, and Mr. Righty coughed up his cash.

2-for-2.

The thug's having a good night.

Lobster is on the menu.

But again, as he's walking away, he hears his victim's voice. And again, the thug can't believe what he's hearing!

Mr. Righty says: "Excuse me sir? Now that you have my money, I'd like to put in a request. I was wondering if you can go over to the next town, and rough those people up a bit."

The thug doesn't understand. "What? What are you talking about?"

"Yeah," says Mr. Righty. "I don't like the people over there. They do things differently. I think they should do things our way. So use the money that you stole from me to finance your trip. Buy yourself some good weapons. Whatever you need to do. Just go rough them up, and take their money. That'll teach them to do things our way."

The thug thinks: "Our way? What our? Who's our? This guy's off his rocker."

Once again, the thug walks away.

He thinks to himself: "Now, I've really heard it all!"

After his lobster dinner, the thug sits down and thinks about his night.

It was a wild one.

He thought to himself: "I had two victims....and both, after being robbed, thought they had a 'vote' as to what I would do with the money that I stole from them. What kind of upside-down world are they living in?"

But then a lightbulb went off in the thug's mind....

"Hmmm..." he thought to himself.

"I think I just figured out a way to scale my business."